Soldier's State of Mind
by j-belle
Summary: Duo is distressed about his job, after a mission. Swearing. Blood. Angst. That's my Warning. Second chapter has been posted. Read it if you will.
1. Default Chapter

Mm… Angsty. Very angsty. Some swearing. Bastard Heero. Distressed Duo. Blood. 

Disclaimer: I don't own it. I don't own anything. Don't own the bathroom cabinet, the gauze, the gundam, the.. Well, anything. Alright? Alright.

A quiet groan was emitted from the closed bathroom door, the air inside the bathroom still thick, and warm with the tiniest particles of water, moisture floating around like dust. The cool air that blew from the vent in the stucco ceiling hardly put a dent in the warm air from the shower that had been turned off a good fifteen minutes prior. 

Duo Maxwell was perched on the soft terry cloth that covered the lid of the toilet, which was presently closed, finishing wrapping gauze around his middle. The mission he had just gotten back from was completed, though he had taken a good few hits from a few soldiers, as it was a grounds-infiltration. No gundams were necessary this time. 

It had only taken three of them, himself, Quatre, and Wufei. Heero and Trowa had come back a few hours earlier from their own missions. He was the only one who didn't come back from a mission unscathed, he had to admit; it was some talent of his. 

Clasping two silver clips onto the gauze, he stood up, and went to the sink, resting the heel of one of his hands on the porcelain basin. The cool surface felt good against his warm hands. Unhinging some excess gauze from his flannel plaid pajama pants, he rolled it up, using both hands, and opened the mirror cabinet, placing it inside on one of the metal shelves. 

Sighing softly to himself, he stood up straight, and braided his hair quickly, tying off the end with a black elastic hair band. Letting go of the thick rope of wet hair, it fell heavily against his half-bare back, the gauze slowly absorbing the water that was resident in his hair. The tail end of his braid was dripping, shooting off little rivers of sweet smelling water down the small of his back, until being sucked in to the warm flannel material of his pants. 

His eyes flickered up to the mirror, after closing the cabinet, and he stared at himself for a good few minutes. How could he look so innocent? How could he look so clean, when really, he felt so tainted from all of the blood he had shed. He had killed brothers, fathers, sons, husbands, uncles, aunts, daughters, grandparents, mothers, sisters, and wives… God, there were so many! And he was only sixteen. Did he really deserve this life? Was this really what God had planned for him? To be a mass murderer? To know that that he had hurt someone so horribly, emotionally, or physically, and yet still have to pretend like he was fine with it?

He could feel something rising up in him, something horrible. Violet orbs narrowed at his reflection, before letting out a loud, throat-burning yell, and slamming his fist into the mirror. Shards of tiny reflections jumped everywhere; materials from inside the cabinet scattering across the tiled floor, some landing softly, other's loud. Pieces of glass swirled around in the sink, before resting in the center, covering the metal of the drain. Little fragmented faces stared up at Duo, and he took a step back, resting his elbows on the edges of the cold basin, a few tiny shards digging into his skin a little, making his arms a little uncomfortable, but nothing he couldn't survive. 

Slowly, without even really thinking much about it, one of his hands reached down and picked up one of the bigger pieces of mirror, one with a sharp, pointed edge. He pressed it against his other arm, the skin sinking in where he applied pressure. The reflection of his arm made it appear like there was simply a crease in his skin, rather than a shard of mirror against it. Gritting his teeth with anger, he pressed down the sharp end. It was close to his elbow, so when he rolled up his sleeves, it wouldn't show. 

A little bead of red clung to the tip of the sharp object, he drug the end against the skin in a vertical line, a straight line of dark red, almost purple, followed the edge. He vaguely realized that his hand was bleeding from when he slammed it into the mirror, but he didn't feel the pain. He didn't feel his arm; he didn't feel anything. He lethargically dropped the mirror shard into the sink, it swirled around for a few seconds, before stopping, but he didn't hear it. 

He stared through his bangs at the remains of the lowest shelf from the cabinet, while barely hearing the door to the bathroom ripped open. For reasons unbeknownst to him, the thought, …Didn't I lock that..? skimmed through his mind. 

He didn't have to look up. He knew who it was. 

The nasal voice confirmed whatever doubts he could have had. "Duo, what happened?"

The bastard sounded pissed off. Oh, sorry to have interrupted your typing. He gave a shrug with his bare shoulders. 

He could practically feel the glare on his back.

"Mission accomplished?" Heero asked.

He couldn't form the words. The irony didn't escape him. He made a noise against the back of his throat, somewhere in the middle. He could feel it vibrating through his head, while nodding very loosely, before letting his head drop limply.

A grunt was his reply, and he knew he was alone now. Alone with his enemy. Alone with his God. Alone with his own self.


	2. The Square

LOL, I don't know if this was even worthwhile. ...But... You know. I felt like writing. It's rather short, like the first one. Though not NEARLY as ... dark as the last one. For those of you who have been to the Square in Marietta ( I was raised there! :) ), if you'll notice, there ARE a few differences. Like the Firehouse-thing... It sadly isn't there any more. And the sidewalks outside of the Square are paved, not brick. But hey. This takes place not here. So screw you! I'm kidding.  
  
Oh, and if there are typos, or something, I SERIOUSLY am sorry. I'm using Wordpad, and I don't know of anything else that may have spellcheck on this computer ( It isn't mine. LOL, I'm at a friend's house. Thanks, Cait, for letting me use it! ) And GOD, I hope this doesn't suck. ;.; I'm sooooooo sorry if it does! I mean really. I know, isn't this encouraging. Mmfph, at least I didn't put it in the summary. LOL.  
  
AND, by the way; Thank you to V-babe for reviewing ( See? I did write another one. So there. ), Kit Kat ( See? I never thought Duo was just an airhead. He just handles his pain differently. ), Demon Faerie Aeryka ( You almost made me cry!! That review was WAY too good for me! I love you! -hug!- ), and, last, but not least! Noceo. I know. Bastard. Oi. But he's a lot nicer in this one.  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Won't be mine. I don't own ANYTHING.  
  
  
  
Review if you liked it. Don't if you didn't. Or do if you didn't. I'm not going to force, or beg, or prod you to review, though try to keep in mind that I would GREATLY appreciate it. ... Mmm... thanks.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Birds were chirping in the trees that lined the paved road. Children were running up and down the sidewalks in the small town, playing games, laughing. Parents stood by, smiling down upon their children, or talking amongst the shop owners, whose shops were littered along the street corners, and alongside the paved roads. A square patch was created inside a block of little various shops, the patch a beautiful garden. The people who lived here called it The Square.  
  
  
  
People would stop and sit on the benches, tossing birdseed to the spoiled pigeons that flocked about, scaring children, as they tried to play.  
  
  
  
Large oaks and beautiful old trees lined along the edges of park in the Square. They told stories of the wars that had passed through here. The bark was rough, and weathered, showing its armor to the world, yet at the same time, showing how easily it could be chopped down.  
  
  
  
Duo walked along the bricked pathway that was opposite of the small park. Hands shoved deep into his pockets, he couldn't help but give a weak smile at the happy children, playing about, their parents yelling a few yards away to keep away from the street.  
  
  
  
He stopped at a corner, and waited for the crossing sign to turn green, before looking both ways. Though in this small area was peaceful, once you left the vicinity of the square, he noticed the drivers were simply mad. He vaguely remembered being informed about it by one of his comrade-in-arms, Quatre. He said he had been to the capitol of this state once incognito. Simply lunatics lived here. … Where was here again? Oh, yes. The United States of America. … Umm… Georgia. Marietta, to be precise. He mentally berated himself for not automatically knowing this.  
  
  
  
He loosely folded his arms across his chest, and rocked back and forth unto his heels, until the light finally changed. Glancing breifly to his left and right, he began crossing, heading to his destination; the main Square. Jogging the rest of the way across the street to avoid getting hit by a car, he walked the around the wrought iron fence that went around the majority of the small park. Once he found an entrance, he stepped into the shaded park with a small smile.  
  
  
  
A few kids were playing on a small playground train, and a small wooden, firehouse-type building, it was old, and rickety. A ladder went up one side, as it was circular, and a pole ran down the center, where children would slide down. He sat down on a short, bricked wall, and watched them enjoying life. This was what he was fighting for. This was peace. But would it last?  
  
  
  
He leaned his head against a tree that was convienantly behind him, and closed his eyes, taking in the sounds of joy. He could hear people walking, and talking, laughing. He couldn't help but notice that a lot of the time a shop in the Square called, " Eddie's Trick Shop " was brought up a lot. If he remembered, he'd have to go and see what it was about.  
  
  
  
Before he knew it, the sounds began to fade, and the cool breeze was hardly noticeable.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
  
  
Duo awoke a few hours later, the sun having nearly all set, the sky a beautiful orange and pinkish hue. Street lamps had already come on, and barely any children were playing about now. Only a scatter few, ran about now, hurrying to get in as much play time as they could before having to leave.  
  
  
  
He grimaced slightly at the pain in his neck, and the bark in his hair, whilest trying to brush it out as best he could. He blinked his eyes a few times, and rolled his shoulders back and forth, to try to relieve the pain that had developed from his sleep. He shrugged his denim jacket off, once he was finished. Sleeping where he had had put him in the sun a little after he had fallen asleep, so he had gotten pretty warm. Standing up, he set his soft jacket onto the red-faded-orange bricks, and let out a stretch, before picking up his jacket, and heading toward the exit of the park.  
  
  
  
Once arriving at the stoplight, he waited patiently for the light to change, before crossing over, to the other side. Glancing into a small cafe with a dark green overhang that bore the words " Le Peeps, " He couldn't help but see his partner. Though he was still kind of mift about the whole bathroom thing ( Honestly! A knock and pause isn't that much to ask for. ), he could understand why... well, to be quite honest, he couldn't figure that damn bastard out, and God-willing, he wouldn't have to.  
  
  
  
Since Heero was paying for his cup as it was, Duo waited at the exit for him, for no reason, other than to have some company. Once Heero emerged, he glanced slightly at Duo, almost questioning, but the cold disposition in his stare said that he honestly didn't really give a shit as to why Duo was out right now.  
  
  
  
" Hey, " Duo said, one-sidedly. Conversation? With Heero? Not likely. Though he was Duo's partner, it didn't change his cold attitude.  
  
  
  
A slight grunt from inside Heero's throat was his response.  
  
  
  
" So... yeah. What did you get? " Duo said, not really expecting too much of an answer.  
  
  
  
" Coffee, " Heero said, his slightly nasal voice somewhat quiet. " It was cold in there. "  
  
  
  
" Aa. " Duo said, understandingly. Some of the shops around here were either stifling or freezing cold. He casually took the lidded cup from his partner's lax hand, and took a sip. Heero was long-since used to the fact that Duo had a slight affection with coffee. Or maybe it was just the caffeine.  
  
  
  
" French Vanilla. Good choice. " Duo said, after handing the warm cup back. He handed Heero his jacket as well, with a casual shrug. " It's only going to get cooler, and I'm hot from sitting in the sun. "  
  
  
  
Heero stopped, and tried putting the jacket on one handedly, but never got to try succeeding, as Duo had taken the cup again, and was taking another sip, or was just casually trying to help him out. " Aa, domo arigatou. "  
  
  
  
Once again, Duo shrugged in a friendly manner, as they started walking again. " Don't worry about it. Keep it if you want. I've got a leather jacket back at the safe house to use. "  
  
  
  
Heero meerly nodded his head. They stopped at the next stoplight, and Duo turned to look at the Square once more.  
  
  
  
Maybe he could help find peace. Maybe their lives weren't as wasted. Though maybe abused, and misused, maybe they could help make people see that war wouldn't help bring anything but death. Maybe. 


End file.
